I am not sure if it’s a sense of ambivalence or just the idea that we really don;t want to think about it, but I have been avoiding to much of the 9-11 re-caps. I know, for me, it’s not ambivalence, so I just must not want to deal with the emotions it stirs up. Our tv is broken, and reading stories online is not the same as seeing the images, the realtime events or hearing people’s voices. I can remember exactly where I was and what I felt.
I was laying in a hospital bed in Ann Arbor Michigan. Eric had just gone downstairs to have the television service turned on in my room. I was nursing my less than 24 hour daughter and eating breakfast. The tv came on before Eric made it back and coverage of a plane striking the WTC tower. As Eric walked in I said,” hey look at this! how does this happen?” and the second plane hit. It’s an overwhelming feeling I felt, one that cannot be described other than complete loss. I was at a loss of words, a loss of security and bewilderment of the unknown. the days that followed were hazy. Numbing.
But over the course of the years, this day has come to remind me of all that is valuable, and pushed me to fear less. It has shown me more of what I can be and less of what I was afraid to be. It has forced me to live a bit larger. To love a bit larger. And every year more so. So I look forward to the next 10 years and so should you.