Saturday Morning Musings

You know when you have something that keeps nagging your insides or keeps popping in your brain and you keep putting it off or just ignore it because your idea of what it is, isn’t something you want to live up to? No? Well this is it for me. I am a terrible journaler. (Is that a word?) I start off with grand intentions and can make it about 3 days, but then I peter out and  pack up some self shame and lug it around in my proverbial baggage for some unknown reason. Well, here is the deal: I am going to get back to writing, but I am letting go of any ideas of what it should look like, letting go of any spoken or unspoken expectations of how often and what it should be about and just allowing it to be what it is. My only hope is that some of it resonates with someone -because connection is what we all want, am I right?

So first of all, this is not a “New Year’s Resolution”. Getting back to writing my blog has been tapping me on the shoulder since May 2022, if not longer, but even more intensely this fall. So I am doing it. It will certainly reflect somethings that are on my ‘I am tired of not doing it, so I am doing it” list, but it will be as random as me. (Sidebar: how do you know if you have ADD as an adult? Asking for a friend….)

Speaking of friends, I just heard this song “Old Friends” by Ben Rector today. It was put out in 2018 but I just heard it today. It really has me thinking about how often people float in and out of your life. It is just the natural process of people on their individual journeys through life that you cross paths and become part of each others story. Which in and of itself is really kind of poetic and sweet, I mean unless one of those people was just an arse and left you with bad vibes. But even then, every good story has its villains and plot twists, its sad moments and its redemptions.

Its the sad moments that had me thinking. Have you ever had one of those friends that you thought you would be friends forever, but they outgrew you, or just moved on? Like ghosted you and they think that you can pick up right where you once were, as if there wasn’t 2 or more years that have passed, and think nothing of it? I have that. I have a few people that are/were in my life like that. Some I get, but there is one that really left me broken hearted and its been almost 20 years and it still hurts. How do you grieve a lost friendship when you are ghosted? Or when they truly believe you could pick up right where you left off after 20 years? Anyone else experience this? Or am I the only one and I sound pathetic and desperate?

So this went a bit dark. I promise my musings are not often dark, but that song really made me go into my feelings. Thanks for reading.